the skirt-mosquito correlation

suelynn and i were becoming really tempted to club once recess week ended, and we were buying all these clubbing clothes because they looked so fabulous, but had no opportunity to wear them until december.

until one day, suelynn decided to impose a 20 cent ban on the next person who says the C word. but somehow or other, we’d end up talking about the C word anyway. and with a slip of a tongue, suelynn was really almost going to say the actual word, before she did a last minute switch to ‘Camping’.

so now Camping has replaced the term ‘Clubbing’ in our daily conversations. as a result, that invited millions of other camping terms into our little secret (well, not anymore) code as well, each assuming different clubbing connotations. hahah so a typical sentence like ‘shit la. i want to wear this skirt to…Camping. but then its so short, later the mosquitoes come and bite me!‘ would send us all into fits of laughter.

alternatively, ‘better be careful! if you drink from the thermos flask too much, you may end up sleeping in someone else’s tent!’ lol go figure!

so now, with skirts and mosquitoes in the same sentence. it’ll be natural to think about the correlation between the two. more specifically though, the length of the skirt one is wearing, v.s. the attraction by the mosquitoes. thus, it bringing us to what we’d like to call,
The Skirt-Mosquito Correlation.

see, its simple. the length of the skirt is inversely proportional to the number of mosquitoes attracted: the shorter the length, the greater the number of mosquitoes swarming over.

but of course, we are making two assumptions here:

ONE: that mosquitoes have a greater preference for skirts over jeans. obviously, because there is more surface area of flesh to land their icky legs on.

TWO: and even though you have the sweetest blood in your legs, if they are covered by denim or leggings, mosquitoes will not be interested.

so Number of Mosquitoes = 1/(Length of Skirt)

but in reality, one does not attract populations of mosquitoes by wearing an ultra micro mini skirt so easily. the magnitude of the number of mosquitoes hovering also depends on various other factors pertaining to the skirt-wearer.

as such, we have to introduce a correction factor into the initial equation:

Correction Factor (CF) = Physical Appearance of skirt-wearer + Intoxication level of the mosquito

the first factor is necessary because a skirt-wearer has to have the pre-requisites of a minimally pleasant-looking face, and a slim figure before mosquitoes swarm over. so if you dont like mosquitoes sucking at you, go supersize all your meals and become fat.

nonetheless, if a mosquito is more intoxicated, it is more likely to care less about the physical appearance of the skirt-wearer. so, it might make certain decisions that deviate from the general logic of most mosquitoes.

it is, however, important that the CF must be a positive value. otherwise, no matter how short the skirt is, the number of mosquitoes would work out to be a negative value. hahah which means that they actually die LOL.

so, the final equation would be
Number of Mosquitoes = 1/(Length of Skirt) x (Physical Appearance of skirt-wearer + Intoxication level of the mosquito)

lol! thus, ends the untested hypothesis of the Skirt-Mosquito Correlation. though from past observations, i can safely say that this equation is accurate 90% of the time. i would show you pictures, but i dont think my life insurance has a sufficient payout. plus, i do want to enjoy the benefits of an SGH scholar for at least 2 more years.

but of course, you are at the liberty of testing the hypothesis out yourself,
just for kicks (;


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