what a heavenly way to die

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the thought of PAYDAY really sends me into fits of hysterics because i can finally bring my falling bank balance to a healthy number.

and to celebrate the occasion, i broke my useless vow and bought a lovely ruffled sleeve green top for $27! haha i know it sounds god-ugly but its really pretty! but i dont want to go round posting pictures of it yet because its still selling now and i dont want people wearing the same thing as me. call me selfish but exclusivity is what makes online shopping all the more appealing.

oh man i was so sleepy today that i konked out in the toilet for a good ten minutes. and i was having a dream about someone shouting at me before i decided to wake up and head back into the office.

and there’s something i realised about myself. i have a phobia of death/dying. it has been there since i was a kid and first came to understand that life ends up in the natural progression of death.

i googled it and found out that its called Thanatophobia.

haha sounds likes fear of spiders but there are other crazy phobias like

Parthenophobia, which is the fear of virgins or young girls

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, the fear of long words
(haha so stupid right, like the person who really does have that phobia cant even admit he has it because the stupid phobia name is so long!)

Arachibutyrophobia, fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. (!!!)

and

Medorthophobia, fear of an erect penis LOL

it was something random that came up and started to cloud my thoughts a whole lot when recently, that my colleague’s mother-in-law passed away at a young age.

i get mini panic attacks and adrenaline rushes when i think about having to die. i dunno. its really that fear of what happens after i die, fear of the unknown rather. fear of just disappearing into nothingness and losing my soul completely. not being able to think or imagine anything anymore. fear of all the people i will lose to death. also, i keep worrying that i’ll wake up when im being cremated or burried :/

how My-Chemical-Romance like.

sometimes i am sad because giving life is also granting death, in that abstract poetic manner. and though im only 19, another 19 years will zip by, and then another 19, before im old and even more paranoid about dying.

how morbid. but im not kidding you when i say i have Thanatophobia. its sucks that death is inevitable, unlike the other phobias.

like if you have Arachibutyrophobia you can just stop eating peanut butter, or like wear a mouth guard while eating it haha.

and if you have Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, then it just shows that you are really lazy and having a phobia like that is just an excuse for being lousy at spelling.

on the other hand, if you have Parthenophobia, then you should slap yourself for being such a narcissist to think that all young girls want to offer their virginity to you.

finally, if its Medorthophobia that you have, then just turn lesbian la.

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