laxative you

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i got a call from my dad while sitting in the office toilet, telling me that he has a huge mysterious package from NUS in the letterbox. so i told him to hurridly open it and tell me what it says. he said he would go upstairs and tear it open before calling me again.

and the next 15 minutes felt like the longest 15 minutes of my life. it seemed like my whole life depended on that brown mysterious envelope and what is within.

finally my dad called and read off the first line of the letter,

‘Congratualations blahdiblah…..
offered you a place in PHARMACY!’


screw dentistry and its arrogance. in the words of miss yeo, that are permanently and tragically imprinted into my prelim results slip, i will be a ‘successful pharmist’.

i could sneak pregnancy test kits and contraceptive pills for you if you are nice to me. i would snigger at old chee kos who ask for a prescription of viagra. best of all, my ‘screw you‘s would be in the form of extra dosages of laxatives given in place of the panadol prescription.

i was joking by the way.

my semester starts in 4 aug, and already, im being bombarded to join dunno what science faculty clubs and other rubbish that i really have no interest in. my goals are simple – i plan to get through my 4 years, hopefully making many friends despite being surrounded by 139 other people who are smarter and nerdier than me, and get a well-paying job to buy me my first louis vuitton bag.

then work in a hospital and make cooler doctor/nurses friends that go clubbing in between their 9pm to 6am shifts.

actually i am quite nervous about starting school. i’ve been having all these bad dreams about binomial equations and studying chinese all over again with the horrid primary 6 chinese teacher who shaves her eyebrows and likes to spit into the class wastepaper basket.

but i will put all that out of my head for now. cant imagine that a few nights ago, i dreamt that i got into dentistry and i was screaming excitedly like a banshee. guess i can say goodbye to that dream for now. drugs and me are as one now.

finally will end this with a memorable analogy from Bridget Jones’ movie;

Jamie Osborne. Talking to her is like swimming in the sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish

Bridget, how’s it going with that divine man of yours? You must be so pleased to have a boyfriend at last. First jellyfish of the evening.

Is he taking you to the Lord Council dinner? Oh, well I’m sure he’s just forgotten. Better start slimming into that dress!

simply hate people who make jellyfish comments and claim that they dont mean to make it sting.


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