bitchface colleague (not the same person as ugly bangs colleague) underwent training today to sell a new type of insurance. and at the end of it, they had her call me to pretend to sell me insurance. and i was to take on the persona of a hard-to-please arse.
she came over to ask for my surname. so i said ‘law’ and spelt it out, in manner of talking to a 2 year old child who is learning her ABCs for the first time. she traced the letters L, A and W with her finger in the air, a constipated expression on her face, as if mentally proving E=MC^2
and then her face lit up like Newton’s probably did when an apple fell onto his head.
‘OH! You are Michelle NAW huh!’
well, once she had finally deduced the 3 letters as well as their pronunciation, she asked for my extension- had to repeat twice for her. i hope that when i am pregnant, i will not become stupid like her.
i have zero experience when it comes to buying insurance. so half the time i didnt know what she was talking about. anyway, her stupid voice was like alvin & the chipmunks movie soundtrack on loop – made it absolutely dreadful to comprehend her.
plus, it was 5 minutes till the end of work. so i just agreed to everything she offered to sell. in the end, i had bought for myself a $325 plan, knowing absolutely dipshit about the product.
after she ended the call, she sprang up from her chair with more vigour than a pregnant woman like her should be allowed, and came scurrying over to my table to tell me how unthrilling and unchallenging it was to sell me insurance.
nevermind that. she went all over to the 3 bosses’ tables to tell them what an easy nut i was to crack, or rather, to compliment her own persuasiveness.
wah! 我跟你讲！这个michelle 啊，她很好笑leh! 非常容易卖她保险。我跟她讲hor…(ching chong ching chong dipshit dipshit)…then hor! 她这样子就讲‘ok’了。好笑leh!!!
i will not be humiliated like that again. next time she wants to sell me insurance, this is how the conversation will go.
bitchface colleage: hello, can i speak to miss michelle law please?
me: yes, speaking.
bitchface: hi, miss law. this is bitchface calling from AIG, can i have a few minutes of your time to share about the enhanced public home contents insurance?
bitchface: 可以 miss law! 首先，我是 bitchface 从 AIG 打来的…
me: alamak, why speak chinese also sound like that. eh bahasa melayu can?
bitchface: uh…miss law. saya AIG. saya bitchface. um..saya sell kampung insurance!
me: eh cannot la you. how about tamil la, tamil i understand.
yes! take that! bitch!